So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
