i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
