My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
