my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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