I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
