will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
