We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
