it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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