I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
