I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
