'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
