Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
