I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
