threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
