he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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