i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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