Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
