So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
