Cold hands, warm shart.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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