i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
