first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
