my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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