Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
