how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
