1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
