Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
