how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
