she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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