im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
