FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
