I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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