I will die if light touches me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
