he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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