Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she peed on how many people?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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