Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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