You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
