So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
