My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
