Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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