what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
