You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
