I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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