i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
