I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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