i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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