i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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