He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
