So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
