I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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