he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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