...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
