Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
