I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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