Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
