Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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