jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
