The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My bed smells like the plague
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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