i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
