I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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