my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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