That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
