He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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