you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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