We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
