When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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