Your dad touched me again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
