On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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