ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
