i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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