I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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