Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drake has all the answers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
