woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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