The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
