She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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