yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
and you fell through a lawn chair
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
