On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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