Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
