I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
