My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
