I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
