shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
