Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
