Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
