do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
