i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
