i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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