You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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