I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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