she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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