im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
