I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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