Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
