i just made my gag reflex go away.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
